For anyone who has ever hit the gym in hopes of sculpting the perfect body; for anyone who has tried routine after routine only to get sub-par results and mediocre gains; for anyone who wants to get started in the world of weightlifting but doesn't know where to begin, this is the routine for you.
This weightlifting routine was handed down from generation to generation, and is said to have been crafted by a great Eureastasiafrican warrior poet. That, or the guy at the YMCA who taught it to me was lying. At any rate, after years of using it, I know that it works, and I am now passing these secrets on to you.
To give you a run-down of where this routine originated, I have to explain about Charlie. When my chums and I were in high school, we would lift at the local YCMA in hopes of bulking up, thus marginally increasing our hopelessly bleak chances of landing a girlfriend. Some of us would have told you we were in it for the increased strength and fitness, but some of us would have been lying.
Charlie was a strange old man who found it necessary to study the lifting habits of everyone at the Y and offer his advice. By offering his advice I mean first laugh at you while shaking his head, then proceed to explain to you everything you're doing wrong. This probably explains why a good half of us didn't pay him any attention, but for the less stubborn of us what we would learn would prove invaluable.
Charlie's principles were simple:
1. If you're going to lift, you have to be humble - the biggest mistake you can make is trying to lift weight that's too heavy for you. If you can't perform the reps slowly and with perfect form, all the way to the end, you're trying to lift too much. As the ancient monks said, "One must lift a grain of sand before he lifts a boulder".
2. If you make the routine too hard, you are not going to enjoy it. If you don't enjoy the routine, you are not going to do it. This is the most important principle in my opinion. Too often we decide to start a work-out regiment and jump into it full force, brutalizing our bodies to complete and utter failure for a few weeks, only to give up when that initial jolt of motivation runs out. Pace yourself, move up in weight gradually, and know your limits.
3. You shouldn't need a spotter. If you do, you're trying to lift too much weight. This one shocked me. Everyone I know, from the biggest meat-head to the lowliest geek lifted with spotters. Heck, we were told we HAD to use a spotter by the Y and in our weightlifting classes at school. But what Charlie meant was you shouldn't need a spotter, not that having a spotter was a bad idea. I can remember clear as a bell one day when this dude was benching a weight which to me seemed to be way out of his league. He managed to eek out a few reps before the inevitable happened: he ran out of gas. So being the ever helpful chap I was, I ran over to him to lend a hand. Before I could even make it there, he rested the bar on his chest, rolled it down to his pelvis, down his legs, and onto the bench, easily allowing him to get free. I was flabbergasted. Charlie made sure to point out that "That guy don't need a spotter!" The simple fact is, if you rely on a lifting partner, you are relying on their motivation. If they don't show up, you probably won't either.
4. Forget about gimmicky lifts. I know that everyone reading this has seen some wacky lifts people do, like twisting their arms when they do bicep curls. The simple fact of the matter is, if you do the basic lifts and focus on the main muscle groups, consistency, a full range of motion, and form are going to the biggest factors to whether you get results or not.
5. Rest! I hear this again and again from people who are seriously cut, and it makes sense. When you're lifting weights, you're not building muscle, you're breaking it down. The building of muscle is what happens when you're not lifting. If you don't allow enough time for this to take place, you are not getting the maximum gain from each session. If you only do arms twice a week, you are going to see better results than if you lifted every other day. The key is consistency week in and week out, plenty of rest, and plenty of rest.. oh, and plenty of rest.
Following these principles will save you a lot of wasted time and also make lifting a lot more rewarding and enjoyable.
"A grasshopper is simply an ant with a bad lifting routine" - Ancient Japanese Proverb.
So without further ado, I give you "The Ultimate Weightlifting Routine":
Overview: This routine which will henceforth be referred to as TUWR, is broken into two sessions: Upper Body and Lower Body. Trust me, this makes things simple. Each routine consists of alternating pushing and pulling lifts, starting with the most strenuous lifts and working down to the easiest. It is best to rest 1-2 minutes between each set, and keeping up the pace will get your heart rate going as well.
Most lifts start out at 3 sets of 8 reps. For each lift, find a weight at which you struggle to complete the last couple reps of the last set, but complete them nonetheless without the help of a spotter. When it becomes easy to pound out every set with ease, move up to 9 reps per set, and then 10. When 10 reps per set becomes easy (with perfect form, mind you), drop back down to 8 reps per set and add 2.5 or 5 lbs to the weight and repeat the process. As far as abs go, if you want washboard abs, you simply must do sit-ups every day. I know I just pounded my fist about resting, but abs are just the one stubborn muscle group that needs constant punishment, and since you typically aren't lifting heavy weight with your abs, it is more about building endurance and toning the muscle. So, if that slight contradiction hasn't made you completely lose faith in the logic of this routine, let's begin.
Upper Body Routine
1. Incline Bench
Warm-up with 3 sets of 8-10 using just the bar.
Do 3 sets of 8-10 reps.
Don't bounce of your chest. As with all pushing exercises, breath out when you push, in on the way back down.
Lat Pull-Downs
Do 3 sets of 8-10 reps.
Let the bar stretch your arms out after every rep. Slow and controlled. Stretch your lats and biceps before this one to reduce risk of massive internal bleeding.
Shrugs
2 sets of 15 reps
Keep your chin up. To save time, do this lift between lat-pulldowns.
Military Press
3 sets of 8-10 reps
Keep the bar in front of your face during the lift.
Wide-Gripped Upright Rows
3 sets of 10-12 reps
You want to take a really wide grip, and make sure to push your elbows out and forward. You should feel it in your deltoids. You don't need to lift it that high to start feeling it. This lift is the hardest to keep form on. To save time, do this lift immediately after each military press. I use a squat cage for these two lifts, and I typically do the same weight on the upright rows as I'm doing for the military press.
Bicep Curls
3 sets of 8-12 reps
Lock your opposite arm underneath your lifting arm and proceed to lift with a slow and controlled motion. If you find yourself jerking your back or shoulder backwards to complete a rep, you are using too much weight. I say 8-12 reps here because typically gyms only have barbells in increments of 5 lbs.
Tricep Press
3 sets of 8-10 reps
If a backed seat isn't available, you can use a preacher curl apparatus to rest your back against. Worse comes to worse, you can do this standing. This lift can be awkward for some people so start out a low weight until you get the form right.
SIT-UPS!
3 sets of 30.
I use that strange half-sphere lookin' thing to do these, but whatever sit-up style works for you should suffice. To spice things up, work out your obliques by taking a barbell and bending side to side like a teapot. I call that lift the "teapot". Hm.
Lower Body Routine
Full Mother%!#$&ing Squats
3 sets of 8-10 reps
The key here is to squat ALL the way down. Don't use your back to lift - keep it straight. Charlie always emphasized getting the full range of motion out of a lift. If you have trouble balancing, place weights or a 2x4 (most gyms have something like that) under your heels. Squats suck and they are painful as sin, but they are the most important lift. You use your legs for sports, running from police, and kicking blocks of ice, not to mention walking, so don't neglect them for the so called "glamor muscles".
Back Bends
2 sets of 8-10 reps
If you're a skinny twerp like me, you may want to hold onto some weight to make this lift more challenging. Go all the way down, and all the way up, past parallel.
Calve Press
2 sets of 15-20
You can use a leg press machine for this lift. Do NOT lock your knees. You should really feel it burn on the last 5 reps of each set. To save time, do this lift between back-bend sets.
Leg Curls
3 sets of 8-10
Slow and controlled reps. Stretch after each set.
Leg Curls
3 sets of 8-10 reps
Again, slow and controlled. I typically will not alternate between this and leg curls, simply because you need as much rest between full squats and leg extensions as you can get.
SIT-UPS!
3 sets of 30.
And there you have it. I find that the best weekly routine is doing upper body on Mondays and Wednesdays, lower body on Tuesdays and Fridays, cardio on Thursdays and Saturdays, and rest on Sundays.
I'm not a big proponent of writing down your progress as you lift, but if you have a hard time keeping track of your weight from session to session this may be of use to you. You should, in my opinion, be intimately involved enough to remember.
I used to jack up on all manner of protein shakes, creatine powders, meats, and weight-gainer. What I have found is that most of this is largely a waste of money (unless you buy the stuff online, where it's really cheap). In the end, the most effective strategy is eating a balanced diet, eating protein rich meals after working out, and most importantly: consistency. Lifting for 3 months, resting for 4, and lifting again for 2 months will do nothing for you. You may as well not even bother. Follow this routine for a solid year and you WILL notice dramatic results.
Really, regardless of what routine you do, if it is enjoyable enough to where you stick with it for a long period of time, you will notice some sort of result. I just find that this routine seems to have worked extremely well for my friends and I. It's straightforward, there's no nonsense, and you feel great after each session.
Best of luck!
"The bull who eats the grass is stronger than the man who eats the bull" - Ancient Native-American Proverb
