EA's Spore team released the beta of their creature editor program this week and was met with much enthusiasm.  Spore is easily the most hotly anticipated game of 2008 and why not - endless variations are possible in the ultimate sandbox experience.  Moreso than even Sim City or the Sims, Will Wright has put us in God's driver's seat.  And what do we do with it?  Crank out the most perverted and disgusting creatures we can muster up with our sick minds, of course! 

If ever there was a stronger argument against intelligent design, I don't know what it is.  What you are about to witness are not only crimes against Spore, but crimes against nature.  Did Wright and the Spore team know that people would immediately start cranking out penis monsters as soon as they released the creature editor?  I'd like to think that they didn't, but that they are instead sitting in their ivory tower shocked at what the proletariat has done with their wonderful creation.  Too bad, suckers, let the filth begin!

The most logical first attempt is the most joked about part of human anatomy in history - the penis. 

There are currently over 250+ Penis-Monsters on youtube and counting.  I know many of you women are thinking why God didn't just save the effort and simply design men this way, but how the hell would we play football and punch eachother in the face?  Yeah, that's right!

If you see this creature in the wild, leave it be.

Aside from Penis-Monsters, the next best thing is to make your creature well endowed, possibly making up for any deficiencies you yourself may suffer from.  Below you will see my personal favorite which knocks out both the fear of being perceived as small and stupid.  Two birds with one stone!

Another popular abomoniation is the sex-monster, or "Coitusaurus", in which the creature resembles two seperate creatures in the act of love making.  Had God made us in this image it would have saved everyone so much time.

Finally, there is the one and only: Goatse. You knew it had to be done. You knew that in some way, if given enough time to evolve, a creature of this design would come to pass. We've simply sped the process up. Behold:





I'm sorry for this. I really. Please.. don't kill the messenger.

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